Science

Scientific breakthroughs, environmental crises, and medical discoveries that sound too weird to be true. From climate change denial to space exploration mishaps, we cover the intersection of science, policy, and human stubbornness.

30 stories

Science

New Study Finds Humans Now Just Very Complicated Data-Harvesting Machines for AI Overlords

Researchers confirm that the primary function of human consciousness has evolved to generate marketable attention metrics.

10h ago2 views

New Study Finds Tokenism Surprisingly Effective At Masking Systemic Issues

Researchers confirm that a handful of visible minorities can completely obscure a company's otherwise abysmal diversity record.

10h ago

New Study Confirms Watching Movies Is Not The Same As Attending Live Performance

Groundbreaking research from Cornell University challenges long-held assumption that a screen can replicate human experience.

10h ago

Historians Confirm Victorian-Era Ghost Pranks Were Sole Source Of Joy For Average Australian

New research suggests that phosphorescent paint and a general lack of entertainment options fueled a nationwide obsession with spectral mischief.

10h ago

Latest Stories

Historians Confirm All Victorian-Era Pranks Were Just 'Ghosting' People

New research reveals that the 19th century's most elaborate practical jokes involved little more than a sheet and a questionable glow.

16h ago1

Scientists Discover Algae, Oyster Shells Can Be Combined To Create Slightly Less Profitable Biodiesel

Breakthrough research promises a future where renewable energy is almost, but not quite, as appealing as fossil fuels.

16h ago3

New Study Confirms Most Friendships Are Just Elaborate Holding Patterns Until One Person Gets Their Act Together

Researchers find that personal growth is the leading cause of social awkwardness and subsequent friend culling.

16h ago2

Scientists Discover Proteins Are Just As Confused About Their Purpose As Everyone Else

Groundbreaking research confirms that even fundamental building blocks of life require constant, last-minute adjustments to figure out what they're supposed to be doing.

16h ago1

New Study Confirms Humans Are Exceptionally Bad At Forming Alliances, Even With Their Own Species

Researchers baffled by humanity's unique inability to cooperate, citing 'deep-seated need to argue about everything.'

23h ago1

New Study Confirms Ocean Is, In Fact, Still Wet

Researchers at the Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research have unveiled groundbreaking findings that could reshape our understanding of basic aquatic properties.

1d ago4

New Study Confirms Ocean Is, In Fact, Water

Researchers stunned to discover that large bodies of liquid tend to get warmer when subjected to prolonged heat.

1d ago3

New Study Confirms Children Prefer Toys That Aren't Just Pictures On A Screen

Industry experts baffled by groundbreaking discovery that physical objects hold more appeal than digital representations.

1d ago4

New Study Confirms Ocean Is, In Fact, Wet

Researchers at the prestigious Potsdam Institute for Climate Impact Research have unveiled groundbreaking evidence that water is a primary component of humidity.

1d ago2

NASA Announces Mars Mission Will Be Powered By Slightly Used AA Batteries

Agency clarifies 'nuclear-powered' was a typo, meant 'nucleated with the power of human ingenuity and whatever's in the junk drawer.'

1d ago1

New Study Confirms Everyone Is, In Fact, Getting Older

Groundbreaking research indicates the passage of time affects all individuals, regardless of their childhood television preferences.

1d ago2

Experts Confirm: You Are Now Officially Old

A new study links the perceived passage of time directly to the 20th anniversary of a popular children's television program.

1d ago2

New Study Confirms Everyone Over 30 Is Now Officially Ancient

Researchers pinpoint the exact moment millennials collectively crumbled into dust upon realizing the 'Hannah Montana' premiere was two decades ago.

1d ago1

New Study Finds Humans Still Capable Of Experiencing Joy Without Ranking Two Women

Researchers express surprise at preliminary findings, suggest further investigation into this 'novel' emotional state.

1d ago1

New Study Finds Humans Will Assemble Anything If It’s Branded Nostalgia

Researchers confirm the irresistible urge to reconstruct childhood artifacts, even if the original required no assembly whatsoever.

1d ago2

Local University Wins Coveted Grant To Send Unused Lab Equipment Into Orbit

Emporia State selected for groundbreaking project to dispose of obsolete scientific apparatus via International Space Station.

1d ago

New Study Confirms On Sneakers Are Still Just Shoes, Despite Celebrity Endorsements

Researchers baffled by ongoing consumer belief that premium footwear confers actual athletic ability or social status.

2d ago4

Frustrated Scientists Finally Get Tiny Molecules To Do Something Useful

After years of what sources describe as 'aggressive coaxing,' researchers report a breakthrough in forcing oxetanes to build 'bioactive molecules.'

2d ago2

Scientists Discover Mosquitoes Are Just As Annoyed By Viruses As Humans Are

Groundbreaking research confirms that the tiny bloodsuckers are not, in fact, enjoying their role as disease vectors.

2d ago1

New Study Confirms Everything Is Actively Trying To Kill Us Now

Researchers discover climate change isn't just making the planet uninhabitable, it's also making the dirt itself a superbug factory.

2d ago1

New Study Confirms Everything Is Actively Trying To Kill Us

Researchers discover that even the dirt beneath our feet is now weaponizing against humanity, just in time for peak climate collapse.

2d ago2

New Study Confirms Everyone Who Lives In Louisiana Already Knew They Were Stressed

A groundbreaking report from WalletHub has finally provided scientific validation for what residents of the Pelican State have been experiencing for generations.

2d ago2

Scientists Confirm Volcanic Lightning Is Not, In Fact, A Divine Smite For Our Collective Sins

After decades of intense theological debate, researchers have definitively linked apocalyptic atmospheric discharges to mere geology, not celestial wrath.

2d ago2

New Nail Polish Allows Users To Finally Swipe On Their Phones With Dignity

Researchers unveil groundbreaking cosmetic solution to the age-old problem of using a touchscreen while wearing gloves or having slightly damp fingers.

2d ago1

BREAKING: Scientists Confirm Plants Are Just Winging It

Groundbreaking new research suggests botanical life operates on a 'vibe check' system rather than complex biological clocks.

2d ago1

NHL Announces New Initiative To Make Hockey Even Less Accessible To Fans

The league confirmed plans to host regular season games in increasingly remote locations, citing a commitment to 'global engagement' over local attendance.

2d ago1

Hambry

Science

New Study Finds Humans Now Just Very Complicated Data-Harvesting Machines for AI Overlords

New Study Finds Tokenism Surprisingly Effective At Masking Systemic Issues

New Study Confirms Watching Movies Is Not The Same As Attending Live Performance

Historians Confirm Victorian-Era Ghost Pranks Were Sole Source Of Joy For Average Australian

Latest Stories

Historians Confirm All Victorian-Era Pranks Were Just 'Ghosting' People

Scientists Discover Algae, Oyster Shells Can Be Combined To Create Slightly Less Profitable Biodiesel

New Study Confirms Most Friendships Are Just Elaborate Holding Patterns Until One Person Gets Their Act Together

Scientists Discover Proteins Are Just As Confused About Their Purpose As Everyone Else

New Study Confirms Humans Are Exceptionally Bad At Forming Alliances, Even With Their Own Species

New Study Confirms Ocean Is, In Fact, Still Wet

New Study Confirms Ocean Is, In Fact, Water

New Study Confirms Children Prefer Toys That Aren't Just Pictures On A Screen

New Study Confirms Ocean Is, In Fact, Wet

NASA Announces Mars Mission Will Be Powered By Slightly Used AA Batteries

New Study Confirms Everyone Is, In Fact, Getting Older

Experts Confirm: You Are Now Officially Old

New Study Confirms Everyone Over 30 Is Now Officially Ancient

New Study Finds Humans Still Capable Of Experiencing Joy Without Ranking Two Women

New Study Finds Humans Will Assemble Anything If It’s Branded Nostalgia

Local University Wins Coveted Grant To Send Unused Lab Equipment Into Orbit

New Study Confirms On Sneakers Are Still Just Shoes, Despite Celebrity Endorsements

Frustrated Scientists Finally Get Tiny Molecules To Do Something Useful

Scientists Discover Mosquitoes Are Just As Annoyed By Viruses As Humans Are

New Study Confirms Everything Is Actively Trying To Kill Us Now

New Study Confirms Everything Is Actively Trying To Kill Us

New Study Confirms Everyone Who Lives In Louisiana Already Knew They Were Stressed

Scientists Confirm Volcanic Lightning Is Not, In Fact, A Divine Smite For Our Collective Sins

New Nail Polish Allows Users To Finally Swipe On Their Phones With Dignity

BREAKING: Scientists Confirm Plants Are Just Winging It

NHL Announces New Initiative To Make Hockey Even Less Accessible To Fans

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